


lying here i count the hours

by AngryLou



Category: One Direction
Genre: 80's, :), Breakfast Club AU, Harry is the princess obvi, M/M, frick, get ready for ziall, just gonna take this thing and run with it, liam just wants to make his dad proud, lil different to fit 6 guys but still a classic, louis is arrogant because thats the dream, niall is sporty spice, vernon is still vernon cause i dont write cowell, zayn is moody and watches the whole thing with amusement
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-07
Updated: 2014-12-24
Packaged: 2018-02-28 10:47:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2729582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngryLou/pseuds/AngryLou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shameless breakfast club remake/spinoff/copy/parody that I wanted to see written but never found. </p><p>Goodbye sanity.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> heyyy so for those of you still waiting on my to finish my other two works... I am a worthless pile of self pity and I think that everything I type is crap so don't bet on it.
> 
> But I love every single one of you for at least pretending to like my stuff. 
> 
> Still looking for friends to write with. Still searching under my bed for my sanity. Will keep you posted. Enjoy.
> 
> ps, i need a beta and perhaps a brit-picker for several of my works pls let me know if u wanna be dat

"...and these children that you spit on,  
           as they try to change their worlds are  
          immune to your consultations.  They're  
        quite aware of what they're going through...  
                                       - David Bowie"

# ♥

The day is March 24th.

It was fifteen minutes before eight am, and three hours before anyone in their right mind would get up on a Saturday. Harry huffs in the passenger seat, occasionally glancing at his mother to see if she was looking, and when she wasn't, he’d huff again. He counted fifteen until she finally got sick of him.

“Harry.” She warns, signalling before pulling up to curb marked ‘Parent Drop-Off’.

“Mum can’t you get me out of this? It’s absurd I have to spend my Saturday here with the… delinquents.”

“Ditching class to have lunch in London doesn’t make you a delinquent. I’ll see you at two o’clock, sweetie.” She says, unlocking the doors. Harry rolls his eyes, stepping out of the car with a suffering groan, and shutting the door behind him. _Here goes nothing..._

****  
  


»»

Thump. Thump.

“Ow! Knock it off, Mary!” He turns around in his seat to glare at her.

“Liam be nice to your sister. She’s only six.” He scoffs. _Of course he’s taking her side_ , he thinks. _She’s their golden child. She can’t do anything wrong in their eyes._

“Old enough to send away.” He mutters under his breath She kicks his seat extra hard for that one.

They pull up to the school a moment later, and it’s quiet for a moment. Liam closes his eyes. For a few short seconds he can pretend he isn’t here.

“If anyone is to be sent away it’s you.” Liam looks up at his father. His mouth is set in a grim line.

“I know dad. I’m sorry.” He pulls at his jacket, tucking his longsleeve inside.

“This better be the last time you’re here. Don’t disappoint me, son. Get in there and use this time to your advantage.”

“It’s not like we can study, we’re just supposed to sit there.” He says. The briefing he was given by the vice principal explained everything: six hours in the library, with a half hour break for lunch. No phones, no computers, no reading.

“Find a way to study.” His father says, putting the car back into gear. Mary kicks his seat again. Liam stalks up the steps with a frown.

# ♧

“Listen, when I was your age I screwed around too. It’s just something all lads get up to.” Niall nods from the passenger seat. “There’s nothing wrong with it, except you got caught.”

Niall taps away at his phone. “Yeah I know. Ma already grilled me about it, alright?” His dad smacks him upside the head. “Ow! What the fuck?”

“Watch your mouth! Do you want to blow your scholarship? No university's going to want you if you don’t get your act together.”

Niall slams the door behind him, marching towards the building with shame licking up the back of his neck.

****  
  


# ❝ ❞

“Fuck him and his fucking face. No. I don’t care what he says. Listen, Lot, if he thinks he can tell me how to- God is mum crying again?” Louis runs a hand through his hair. It’s greasy and floppy and a downright mess so he holds his phone between his neck and shoulder to grab his beanie from out of his coat pocket and shove it over his head. His can hear his mother weeping in the background. Dramatic.

“Louis you’ve really done it this time.” Lottie mumbles down the line. Louis checks the time his phone. Five minutes to eight. He kicks a few rocks with his shoe, sending them skitting through the car park. Just another Saturday.

“That’s what you say every time. Tell her I’ll be home later. Don't wait up.” He hangs up. A car approaches from the side, brakes squealing as it halts a few feet from him. Someone’s getting out of the backseat, a hooded figure dragging a backpack behind him. Not sparing another glance, he heads inside.

# ☯

“Alright so it ends at two-” Before he can get a good look from his mum, she’s taking off. His sisters pull faces at him from the back, taunting him. With a sigh, he turns towards the building.

He can honestly say he hasn’t spent much time in the library. No use for him there. The doors open with a glide, and his footsteps are muted by the carpet lining the lobby. He hears voices coming from inside the main room. Steeling himself, he slinks inside.

The tables are assembled in two rows of three, with- so far- nearly a kid at every table. He doesn’t recognize anyone. Not that he would. From the looks of them he can assume they’ve never interacted outside the school, let alone in the halls.

 **  
**He quickly shuffles inside, rounding the tables and snatching a seat in the back. _This day’s gonna get worse before it gets any better._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~(._.)~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lil Legend to help y'all with the trendy 80's lingo:
> 
> Barry Manilow: famous american singer. broke some records, performed at Las Vegas later in life. Very popular with middle aged women. bit of a queer. Goofy. So... an insult in this sense.
> 
> Brownie Hound: basically an ass kisser. Someone looking for brownie points. Urban Dictionary had a lot of weird definitions but this one was first so. Either way it’s an insult because his teacher is hella fake.
> 
> It’s the shits, huh: This just means like… “ain't it funny how life works?” or “Life stinks.” Just him laughing at the irony and awkwardness of the situation :)

♥»»♧❝ ❞☯

**  
  
**

Harry is the first to walk in. Not knowing exactly how many kids are going to show up, he bites his lip and considers his options. Assuming the worst ones sit at the back few tables, and not wanting to be surrounded from all sides, he takes a seat at the front table, the one closest to the doors.

Liam tiptoes in next, immediately sliding into the chair of one of the middle tables, right on the aisle.

Niall comes in next, recognizing the guy at the front table, he points to the chair at the end, silently permission. Harry just shrugs at him, smiling softly. Niall sets his lunch down by his feet and leans back in his chair.

In walks Louis, touching everything on the checkout desk- walking his fingers up and over the stack of pamphlets, knocking the receiver off the phone, twirling the stamp rack, even pockets a small notebook from it’s place by the computer. He swipes the beanie off his head, scoping out the other students. He walks over to where Liam is sitting, raising an eyebrow. Liam gulps, grabbing his gloves and backpack and hastily taking a seat at the table across from him.

They all watch as a boy in dark clothing enters the room- head down, hands hidden by his long sleeves, the buckles of his boots clunking as he hurries to a table in the back. Harry and Niall exchange snickers, while Liam watches on with confusion.

The doors swing open again. Liam straightens his posture, waving a little as the man walks in. He was Liam’s English teacher last year, and Liam likes to think he was one of his favorites. That is, if Richard Vernon even has favorites.

He comes in with a stack of papers in his hand, addressing the room like he’s holding a grudge for having to be at the school on a Saturday. Louis can empathize.

“Well well, here we are. I want to congratulate all of you for being on time.” He sends a pointed glance at where Louis has his feet propped up on the chair next to him.

Harry raises his hand. “Excuse me sir?” Vernon sighs, turning his body to face the boy in the front. “I think there’s been a mistake. I know it’s detention, but...erm… I don’t think I belong here.” He tries.

“It is now eight-oh-three. You have exactly six hours and fifty seven minutes to think about why you’re here. To ponder the error of your ways…”

Harry turns his head around when something catches in the corner of his eye, and he sees Louis hunched over on himself, drooling down onto the desk but slurping his spit back into his mouth it before it touches the wood. Harry gags. Louis winks at him.

“...and you may not talk. You will not move from these seats.” He points a finger at Louis. “And you,” He approaches him, pulling the chair out from under his feet. Louis huffs. “no sleeping.”

He waves the stack of papers around. “Alright everyone, we’re going to try something different today. We are going to write an essay- of no less that a thousand words- describing to me who you think you are.”

“Is this a test?”

Vernon ignores Louis once more, instead busying himself on passing out pencils and paper. “And when I say essay, I mean an essay. I do not mean a single word repeated nine hundred and ninety nine times. Is that clear, ‘Tommo’?”

Louis’ head jerks up. Only his closest friends can call him that. “Crystal…” He sneers.

“Good. Maybe you’ll learn a little something about yourself. Maybe you’ll even decide whether or not you care to return.”

Liam raises his hand and stands, stumbling a bit. “Um I can answer that right now sir, and um that’ll be a ‘no’= a no from me, ‘cause-”

“Sit down Payne.”

“Thank you sir.” He says, falling back into his seat.

“Now. My office,” He motions towards the doors, “is right across the hall. Any monkey business is ill-advised. Any questions?”

“Yeah I got a question.” Louis nods.

Vernon looks at him suspiciously.

“Does Barry Manilow know you raid his wardrobe?”

“I’ll give you the answer to that, Mr. Tomlinson, next Saturday. Don’t mess with the bull young man, you’ll get the horns.” And with that he leaves, leaving the door open.

Louis scoffs. “That man… is a brownie hound.”

Everyone decides to try to get comfortable, when suddenly there's a snapping sound. Louis turns abruptly, seeing the boy in the back biting his nails rather aggressively. Eventually everyone turns with wide eyes. He looks up, still gnawing. His eyes are big and round and dark, lined with kohl.

Louis watches with mock concern. “You keep eating your hand and you’re not gonna be hungry for lunch…”

The boy spits some of his nail at him. Everyone else looks away.

Louis narrows his eyes. “I’ve seen you before, ya know.”

Liam taps his pencil against the table, Vernon is looking at him from his own desk. He talks quietly to himself. _Come on, it’s just one paper_. He thinks. “Who do I think I am? Who _are_ you? Who are _you_?” He clips the top of the pen to his bottom lip and puts the top under his upper lip. “I must be a walrus…”

Louis looks at him with utter confusion. Who  _is_ this kid?

Liam laughs awkwardly when he notices he’s being watched, removing the pen with a wince when it pinches his lip. He moves to take of his thick coat when he sees Louis doing the same. They hold each other's gazes. Liam stops trying to pull his off, instead pulling it back on and rubbing his hands together like he’s cold as Louis yanks his all the way off, still glaring at Liam as he tosses it over the chair.

“It’s the shits, huh?” He offers. Louis glares some more.

With a sigh Louis crumples up his own paper, tossing it at the mop of curly hair in front of him. He misses, sails right over their head, but he’s not beating himself up over it, it still got it’s desired effect.

Harry rolls his eyes, looking at Niall out of the corner of his eye. Niall smiles back.

Louis starts humming then, something on the radio- an obnoxious tune in his falsetto.

“I can’t believe this is really happening to me…” Harry groans softly to himself.

“Oh shit! What’re we supposed to do if we hafta take a piss?” He hears behind him.

“Ugh please…” _Disgusting._

“Well. If you gotta go…” There’s shuffling and then the unmistakable sound of a zipper. “You gotta go.”

Everyone is now looking at him, each with different levels of exasperation and curiosity.

Niall whips around in his seat while Harry buries his head in his arms. “Hey! Yer not urinating in here, man!”

“Don’t talk! Don’t talk. It makes it crawl back up!” Louis closes his eye sin concentration, hands somewhere under the desk.

“You whip it out and you’re dead before the first drop hits the floor.” Niall threatens.

Louis gasps, bringing his hands back up and tucking a strand of hair behind his own ear. “You’re pretty sexy when you’re angry, Grrrr.” He snickers.

“Hey homeboy,” Liam points to himself with his pen. Louis nods encouragingly. “why don’t you go close that door, and we can give princess here a good dicking.” He smirks at Harry, who turns and glares at him, seemingly not effected by Louis's charm... or by the suggestive wiggling of his eyebrows.

“Hey!”

“What?” Louis asks Niall, feigning innocence.

“If I lose my temper, you’re totalled man!”

“Totally?” He dares.

“Totally!”

“Why don’t you just shut up! No one here is interested.” Harry throws in.

Niall nods, “Yeah!” They both turn back around. “What a dick.” he says to Harry.

“Well hey, sporto, what’d you do to get in here? Forget to wash your jock?” he says to the back of Nialls (stupid bleached) head.

Liam fiddles with his pen again. “Um excuse me fellas? I think we should just write our papers…”

Niall turns around again, hands white knuckled on the back of his chair. “Look, just because you live in here doesn’t give you the right to be a pain in the ass, so knock it off!”

Louis raises his chin, examining his nails. “It’s a free country.”

Harry puts a hand on Niall's shoulder and Louis’ gaze tracks the movement. “He’s just doing it to get a rise out of you. Just ignore him.”

Louis leans forward. “Sweets… you couldn't ignore me if you tried!’

With another eye roll Harry fiddles with the rings on his left hand.

“So…” Louis starts. “Are you two like… boyfriend/girlfriend?”

A pause.

“Steady dates?”

Another pause. _Come on, take the bait._

“Lo-vers?” He sing songs.

Another pause- for dramatic effect. He turns to Niall.

“Come on sporto, level with me. Do you slip him the hot… beef… injection?” He crudely emphasized each word with a vulgar thrust of his hips.

They both snap at the same time… _and it’s glorious_.

 **  
**“Go to Hell!” “Enough!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter is really long so this is the best place to cut it ;) 
> 
> brb watching the 1D NBC special and listening to Rick Springfield <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shouty shouty shout. lots of dialogue heerree :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lingo:  
> Leprosy is primarily a granulomatous disease of the peripheral nerves and mucosa of the upper respiratory tract; skin lesions are the primary external sign.Left untreated, leprosy can be progressive, causing permanent damage to the skin, nerves, limbs, and eyes. Contrary to folklore, leprosy does not cause body parts to fall off, although they can become numb or diseased as a result of secondary infections; these occur as a result of the body's defenses being compromised by the primary disease. Secondary infections, in turn, can result in tissue loss causing fingers and toes to become shortened and deformed, as cartilage is absorbed into the body. (Long story short, it’s a disease that makes no one want to be anywhere near you. So.)
> 
> Get Loaded: Get High 
> 
> Lobotomy: A type of psychosurgery (cutting open the brain), also known as a leukotomy or leucotomy. It consists of cutting or scraping away most of the connections to and from the prefrontal cortex, the anterior part of the frontal lobes of the brain. Aka, making you stupid. So when Louis/Bender says he’ll need a Lobotomy to be a wrestler, he’s saying all wrestlers are dumb and being an idiot is what he’ll need to be on the team.

Vernon looks up from his stack of papers, having heard shouting from the library. “Hey! What’s going on in there?” It’s silent after that, so he resumes grading papers. “Smug little pricks.” He mutters under his breath.

Back inside, Louis is looking very pleased with himself, Harry is fidgeting with his hair, Liam looks like he swallowed his tongue, Niall is red in the face, and the guy in the back might be asleep, except for the fact that he’s been very quietly laughing to himself the whole morning.

Niall faces forward again, “Scumbag!”

Louis stands from his seat, walking over to the railing perpendicular to the front table, a few feet from curly. Harry ignores the eyes burning into the side of his head and instead focuses on the shelves across the room.

“What do you say we close that door?” He says to no one in particular. “We can’t have any kind of party with Vernon checking us out every few seconds.”

“Well, you know the door’s supposed to stay closed…”

“So?” Liam looks back down at his paper.

“So why don’t you just shut up! There’s four other people in here, you know.” Niall says.

Louis looks around the room, ticking off on his fingers. When he reaches four he smiles. “God, you can count! See, I knew you had to be smart to be a… wrestler.”

Niall laughs humorlessly. “Who the hell are you to judge anybody anyway?”

Even Harry agrees, mumbling  _really_ under his breath.

Niall is egged on by that. “You know what Tommo… you don’t even count. I mean if you disappeared forever it wouldn’t make any difference. You may as well not even _exist_ at this school.

Louis chuckles, has to pause before speaking. Looking up at the ceiling for a moment he thinks,   _Low blow, kid._  “Well.” he says. “I’ll just go out and join the wrestling team.”

Niall and Harry both can’t help but give each other a look, laughing like they’re a part of some inside joke.

“Maybe the prep club, too! Student council…”

Harry shakes his head. “No, they wouldn't take you.”

 

“I’m hurt.”

Harry finally looks at him. “You know, guys like you knock everything…”

Louis looks down at his scuffed boots. “Oh, this should be stunning.”

“...It’s ‘cause you’re afraid.”

Louis barks out a laugh. “Oh god! You ritchies are so smart, that’s exactly why I’m not heavy in activities.”

“You’re a big coward.” He says.  _Look at him in that stupid head scarf and those stupid stupid big green eyes, Louis thinks. Stupid._

Liam speaks up, feeling a bit left out. “I’m in the math club…”

No one acknowledges him.

Harry, with his new found strength, barrels on. “See, you’re afraid that they won’t take you. You don’t belong so you’ll just have to dump all over it…”

Clutching his heart, Louis guffaws. “Well it wouldn't have anything to do with you activities people being _assholes_ … now would it?”

Harry gasps. “Well you wouldn't know… You don’t know any of us.” He says, defensive.

“Well I don’t know any lepers either, but I’m not gonna run out and join one of their fucking clubs!” He spits, outraged at how ridiculous this kid is.

Niall groans, rubbing his temples. “Hey, let’s watch the mouth, huh?”

With another pout, Liam pulls his hands away from where they were folding the corners of his paper. “I’m in the physics club too…”

Louis puts a finger up “'Scuse me a sec.” Harry crosses his arms over his chest. Louis leans over to get a good look around him. “What are you babbling about?”

Liam clears his throat awkwardly. “Um, well what I said was, I’m in the math club, the Latin club, the physics club… physics club, yeah.”

Louis nods attentively, then turns to Harry. “Hey… batty boy… do _you_ belong to the physics club?” At this angle, he can see right down his shirt where it’s unbuttoned an indecent amount. He’s all smooth skin and pale tummy. Louis swallows.

_Yeah, right._ Harry thinks. “That’s an academic club.”

“So?”

Harry moves his hands around. _Is he really comparing the two?_ “So… academic clubs aren’t the same as other kinds of clubs.” _Duh._

“Oh but to dorks like him,” Louis says, pointing to the kid in the green sweater, “they are.” He raises his eyebrows at Liam. “What do you guys do in your club?”

He gulps, feeling the weight of everyone’s gaze on him, even the kid in the back has his head perched in his hands, looking at him expectantly. “In physics um, we, ah, we talk about physics.” he finishes lamely.

“So it’s sorta social…” Louis tries. _This poor sap._ “Demented and sad… but social. Right?”

“Yeah well, I guess you could consider it a social situation. I mean there are other children in my club and uh, _oh!_ ” he says, suddenly remembering something. “at the end of the year we have um, you know, a big banquet, at uh, the Hilton.”

Louis nods. “You load up, you party…”

Liam’s face falls a bit. “Well no, we get dressed up I mean, but we don’t… we don’t get high.”

With a condescending smile Harry turns back to Louis. “Only burnouts like you get high.” Before Louis can retort, Liam continues.

“And, uh, I didn't have any shoes. So I had to borrow my dad's. It was kinda weird 'cause my mom doesn't like me to wear other people's shoes.” He scratches his leg distractedly. “And, uh, my cousin Kent...my cousin Kendall from, uh, Indiana. He got high once and you know, he started eating like really weird foods. And uh, and then he just felt like he didn't belong anywhere. You know, kinda like, you know..."Twilight Zone" kinda.”

Louis considers the last sixty seconds of his life with his head tilted a bit. Harry laughs, eyes finding Louis’ once more. “Sounds like you.” He comments.

_Stupid, stupid, stupid I ought to just squish his dumb head between my thighs-_

“Look, you guys keep up your talking and Vernon's gonna come right in here...I got a meet this Saturday and I'm not gonna miss it on account of you boneheads…” Niall says, slumping back in his seat.

Louis rolls his eyes. “Oh and wouldn't that be a bite.” He says, moaning in agony. “Missing a whole wrestling meet!”

Niall growls. “Well you wouldn't know anything about it, faggot! You never competed in your whole life!” While he doesn't feel very proud for using such a word, the look on Louis’ face after sure makes him feel good.

Louis seethes, before remembering where he is. He puts on a show, bottom lip pushed out, and wipes at invisible tears. “Oh, I know...I feel all empty inside because of it.  I have such a deep admiration for guys that roll around on the floor with other guys!” He finishes with a slimy grin.

Niall huffs. “Ah, you’d never miss it. You don’t have any goals.”

“Oh but I do!” He insists.

“Yeah?”

“I wanna be just-like-you!” Louis laughs. “I figure all I need is a lobotomy and some tights!”

Liam perks up. “You wear tights?” Interesting.

Niall’s face flushes. “No I don’t wear tights, I wear the required uniform.”

“Tights…” Liam smiles.

“Shut up!”

They hear Vernon moving around in the hall, and Louis quickly slots himself into the chair between Niall and Harry. He folds his hands on the table, winking a Niall and batting his eyelashes at Harry when he looks down at him. _God why is he so tall?_   When he hears Vernon sit back down at his desk with a tired yawn, he gets back up. Suddenly an idea occurs to him. He waltzes to the main doors, inspecting them.

Liam stutters. “You know there’s not s’posed to be any monkey business!

Louis spins on his heels, pointing a finger at Liam like a parent scolding their kid. Or in this case, a puppy. Those warm brown eyes are a little disarming. “Young man, have you finished your paper?” Turning back towards the door, he fiddles with the handle before reaching into the hinge and working on twisting out a screw.

Meanwhile Vernon is getting a drink from a fountain in the hallway. He struts down the empty hall, shoes clicking rhythmically. He passes a dark classroom, and backtracks to check himself out in the reflection. _I still look good._ He whistles innocently, before freezing in a heroic pose, his hands outstretched in front of him, folded to look like a gun. “Freeze, sucka!” Blowing the nonexistent smoke from the tip of his ‘gun’, he continues down the hallway.

Back in the Library, Liam is shaking his head adamantly, unable to look away like in a train wreck. “Louis,” he whisper shouts. “that’s, that’s school property there… you know, it doesn't belong to us. It’s something not to be toyed with.”

The door suddenly slams shut, steel echoing loudly. Louis giggles, flying back to his seat in record time.

“That’s very funny,” Niall says. “Come on, fix it.”

Liam fidgets in his seat. His forehead feels a little sweaty now. “You should really fix it.” he pleads.

Louis holds up his hands. “Am I a genius?”

Niall frowns. “No, you’re an asshole.”

“What a funny guy!” Louis can’t help but glance at the door. Any minute now.

“Fix the door, Tommo!” Niall argues.

“Everyone just shhh!”

Vernon is on his way back to his office, when he hears talking from inside the library. _Those little shits._ He stops and listens to them through the closed door.

“I've been here before, I know what I’m doing!”

“No! Fix the door, get up there and fix it!”

Lastly, he hears someone scream “Shut up!”

Inside, Liam ia nervously watching the two shout at each other when they all hear Vernon outside in the hall.

“God Dammit!” He opens the door and storms in. “Why is the door closed?”

No one says anything, and for once Louis is actually thankful.

Vernon repeats his question.

Louis is the first to speak up- as usual.

“How’re we s’posed to know? We’re not s’posed to move, remember?”

Vernon looks down at Harry. “Why?”

Harry lifts one shoulder, then drops it. “We were just sitting here, like we were supposed to.” Louis is only a little proud.

He looks to Louis again just as he wipes the smile from his face. “Who closed that door?”

Louis considers it for a moment. “I think a screw fell out of it…”

“It just closed, sir…” Niall mumbles.

Vernon squints towards the back. “Who?” He demands. The kid in black- everyone definitely forgot he was there- squeaks at the attention, ducking his head and yanking up his hood.

“He doesn't speak sir…”

Vernon approaches Louis at his table. “Give me the screw.”

He shrugs. “I don’t have it.”

“You want me to yank you outta that seat and shake it out of you?”

With a sigh, he replies “I don’t have it, screws fall out all of the time. We live in an imperfect world.”

Harry hides a smile in his wrist, before adding in a serious tone, “Excuse me sir, why would anyone want to steal a screw?

“Watch it, young man.” Vernon walks back to the door, and Louis bites his knuckles when his back is turned. Harry glows when Niall reaches over to fist bump him. Louis catches it, and frowns at the back of Niall’s chair, where his stupid Letterman jacket hangs.

Vernon picks up a folding chair and leans against the door to keep it open, propping the chair in the doorway.

“The door’s way too heavy sir,” Louis reminds him.

His warning goes ignored, and the door slams shut, pushing the chair out into the hall where Vernon stands with his hands on his hips.

“God Dammit!”

Liam chuckles despite his nervousness, and Louis positively cackles. Harry himself is feeling quite flustered trying to keep his laughter down and Niall looks a little out of breath. They all quiet down when Vernon opens the door again.

“Niall Horan, get up here. Come on, front and center, let’s go.” Niall shuffles out of his seat and jogs to the door.

“Hey, how come Niall gets to get up?” Louis pouts. “If he gets up, we’ll all get up, it’ll be anarchy!” he says with his fists against the table.

Vernon and Niall are too busy to scold Louis, instead struggling to push the heavy metal magazine rack in front of the door.

“Okay now, watch the magazines!” Vernon says when a few have fallen loose, and they're now under his shoe. Niall kicks them out of the way.

“It’s out of my hands.” Louis mumbles, instead staring at the profile of the boy in front of him.

They finally get it into the doorway, and Niall is trying to hop over the rack and get back inside, slipping on the sleek covers.

Louis can’t help but raise his hand. “That’s clever sir, but what if there’s a fire? I think violating fire codes and endangering the lives of children would be unwise at this juncture in your career, sir.”

He can see Vernon thinking about it. and then he’s frowning, pushing Niall back out of the door.

 

“Alright, what are you doing with this? Get this outta here for God’s sake! What’s the matter with you? Come on!” Niall’s jaw drops before he pulls up his sleeves and grips the bottom of the rack again.

 

“You know the school comes equipped with fire exists at either end of the library…?” He points to them both and Louis glares at him. He drops his hands.

“Show Dick some respect!”

“Let’s go… go! Get back to your seat.” Niall walks to the desk, sitting back down while Vernon wipes off his hands. “I expected a little more from a Varsity Letterman.” He says before turning to Louis. “You’re not fooling anyone, Tomlinson. The next screw that ‘falls out’ is gonna be you!” He finally turns to leave and Louis rolls his eyes.

“Eat my shorts.”

Vernon spins around. “What was that?”

_Okay, you wanna play?_ Louis thinks. _Let’s play._ He says- louder this time. “Eat. My. Shorts!”

“You just bought yourself another Saturday, mister.”

“Oh Christ…”

Vernon licks his lips. “You just bought one more right there!”

Leaning on his elbow, Louis just grins. “Well I’m free the Saturday after that… beyond that, I’m gonna have to check my calendar!”

“Good!” Vernon presses. “‘Cause it’s gonna be filled, we’ll keep going. You want another one? Say the word, just say the word! Instead of going to prison, you’ll just come here!

Just hearing the word prison has Louis’ revving. He takes a deep breath.

“Are you though?” Vernon asks, challenge in his eyes.

“...No!”

“I’m doing society a favor!” He spits

“So?” Louis says petulantly.

“That’s another one, right now. I've got you for the rest of your natural born life if you don’t watch your step! You want another one?”

“Yes!” Louis knee bounces under the table, nothing but white noise and Vernon’s stupid voice between his ears...

“You got it! You got another one right there! That’s another one, pal!”

...That’s why Louis’ startled when he hears Harry’s voice among the noise.

“Cut it out!” He turns to face him, eyes wide. Mouthing _stop_ when Louis blinks at him.

“You through?”

Louis grits his teeth. “Not even close… bud!”

“Good! You got one more right there!” Vernon looks smug in his suit, imaging Louis in his fifties, coming here to write essays and scrape gum off the bottom of the desks.

“Do you really think I give a shit?”

“Another…” He replies, voice low. Louis glares at him.

“You through?”

“How many is that?”

Liam holds up his fingers. “Well seven including the one when we first came in and you asked Mr. Vernon here if Barry Manilow knew he raided his closet.” Louis almost wants to laugh. _That was a good one._

“Now it’s eight.” Vernon says. “And you, stay out of it.” Vernon snaps.

“Excuse me, sir, it’s seven…”

“Shut up, peewee,” Peewee? Louis asks himself. Who does this clown think he is? “You’re mine, Tommo… for two months,” He says, holding up his middle and forefinger. “I gotcha!  I gotcha!”

“What can I say, I’m thrilled!”

Vernon bends by his table, getting in his face. “Oh I’m sure that’s exactly what you want these people to believe.” Louis can see Harry looking at him, but refuses to lose this particular staring contest. “You know something, Tommo? You ought to spend a little more time trying to do something with yourself, and a little less time trying to impress people- make them laugh. You might be better off.” He stands, taking a few steps back and addressing the whole room. “Alright, that’s it! I’m going to be right outside those doors. The next time I hafta come in here…”

Louis mouths along when Vernon finishes with “... I’m cracking skulls.”

The door shuts behind him.

 **  
**“Fuck You!” Louis screams, kicking the desk and looking up at the clock, stubborn arms reading a quarter to nine.

**Author's Note:**

> need a brit picker like John Hughes needed Molly Ringwald in like all his movies ya feel?
> 
> pls im begging u ;(


End file.
